I think I figured it out. Finally. I knew something was weird. I kept getting really nice emails and chat messages in dating websites from very good-looking men. In fact, they were almost too good-looking. Some of them even said they were in the military and said things like “has it been your dream of finding a man in uniform to spend the rest of your life with?” Well actually, that wasn’t such a cool thing for me since my dad was a career Air Force man and I grew up around military bases. It’s what I was used to. So dreaming about it? No. Dating a man in uniform? Fine. The weird thing is their profile says they are in the states and then they say they are in Afghanistan or Iraq when chatting with talking to me. The first time this happened to me I didn’t realize what was going on. The guy was making plans really quickly and wanted to come see me, which I thought was odd. He wanted to get to know me. It just so happened, it was during the summer and I had my tornado warning going off. I said I would have to go to the basement and his answer was “how far do you have to go to get there?” Ok, I knew something was fishy then since he didn’t know what a basement was or realize it was part of my house. So I started asking more questions. By this time he had already asked me early into the conversation to go from the main website he found me on to yahoo instant messenger. I didn’t realize then, but asking me to go to yahoo IM should have been my first clue to get rid of him. Anyone who asks that is a scam artist!!!! So then I began to ask this person, who wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, other questions and he couldn’t answer them about military life. They were simple questions. At this point he got mad at me for not trusting him. Since that time I have met lots of “men” (one never knows if they are male) who want me to go to yahoo IM and that is my clue to hit disconnect and report them as scammers. Last night I finally found out why they want unsuspecting “dates” to do this. Yahoo IM provides them a way to get into our computers and copy anything they want. Our passwords, anything. DO NOT DO IT. In fact, I just took yahoo IM off my computer this morning to prevent anyone from getting into my computer. So here is what I do when I start chatting with someone. As I said, if they even mention moving to yahoo IM, I report them. Then early on I ask them to call my cell. Only an unmarried man who lives in the states will actually make this call. I don’t even bother chatting with someone who I have no interest in. So if they smoke, I don’t even chat with them. If they want babies, no way! Beyond that, I want to make sure they are real. I have never had trouble with this method. If they are in another country they will not call. If they are married they will not call. So then I know two things are OK and I can go from there. After talking to them I check them out to see if they have lied about their age and other things. It is amazing what you can find out on the Internet. There is lots of information online about the romance scams.
Scammers on Dating Websites
Filed under Cybersex, dating scams, Online Dating, romance scams, sexting, Yahoo IM
Diane Kholos Wysocki, Ph.D 
This is a really interesting piece that is filled with a lot of good information for anyone who is just joining the online dating world. When you see the commercials for online dating sites on TV they always make it seem like it is this wonderful experience of finding all these people that are like you and then you find “the one”. Which may happen for some people but I bet a lot of people also experience your side of figuring out who to trust. They could really use this information you have gathered so far to make their process of sifting through profiles and conversations much easier. Great job!
I found this information very interesting, I would never pick up on the little things that quickly! Great info to know
That is very interesting that you picked up on the scams so quickly. Growing up with the internet my parents always warned me about the dangers of the internet and the possibilities that went along with it. I think that would be one downfall of online dating is how many scammers are out there. Raises me to the question when meeting someone online how do you determine if you can trust that person enough to meet them in person?
It takes time and experience. One thing that I do is make sure that I talk to them. I don’t hesitate if I am interested in giving them my cell phone number. If they are a scammer they are not going to call me. If they are married they are not going to call. If they are who they say they are they will call and I wil see the number on my cell phone and know that they are in the area and that is one less thing to think about. It always gives me pause if they put off calling for some reason. Those who are interested just pick up the phone and call. If they don’t then something is up and I write them off. I have never had trouble in meeting someone. But I really talk to them and ask a bunch of questions and always check them out on the interenet. If they are good guys they don’t have any problems with this. In fact, one who I talked to recently gave me all the information right off the bat to check on him.
There are a lot of messed up people out there that do weird stuff, especially online. I don’t think I’d ever try online dating just the fact that I don’t know who the person is or what they look like, wouldn’t want me to talk to them. I’d rather meet people in person.
I think its weird that people meet online in the first place, but it was interesting to learn how you found out people were scam artist through just wanting you to switch websites. Also it sounds like it was easier for you than most because you already new stuff about the military to questing him about.
You think it is weird to meet them online Logan, but I think it is weird to go to a bar to meet them. And where else would I meet someone who has what I am looking for? Actually online I can state exactly what I want and they can state what they want and we can weed it out that way. It helps. I know I don’t want someone who smokes, wants babies, has little kids, is fighting over custody, lives in another state and can’t move, hates dogs. So online allows me to find that without asking a lot of people questions.
I think sometimes people seclude themselves from the rest of the world and conform to the people they hang out with. The disadvantage of this is that they close out the rest of the world, and base their decisions off of the people around them. For example I know an elderly woman who is about eighty-five years old who had about thirteen children and the husband just left her for another woman and she took care of them herself. She is a very strong Christian but according to her she married this man because in her town there were not many options. So she made her decision off of the limited number of bachelors, and there for disregarding her request in what she wanted in a man. It’s a good idea like the professor said to “weed out” the ones that don’t share your beliefs in things you find vitally important and look at other people. Even though I think a relationship based of a computer can, and is in some situations misleading. I think it’s a great tool to expand your horizons. And it’s true that it seems that when we actually take the time to know someone we sound like an FBI agent, asking questions. But that’s the only way to find out face-to-face what similarities and beliefs you might share. By putting all of your information out there I hope people can be wiser about the people they choose to meet and spend their time with, online or not.
I honestly used to think internet dating was so scary and dangerous. I now know that you only have to use the right resources to meet people. Once you find out whether the person is “legit” then you could find your soulmate, for instance my grandma has been dating a really, handsome, sweetheart in which she met over a internet chat, for about 6 years. I do want to add that I really enjoy your information. I think its something that could help out any internet user that plans on talking to other people whether through e-mail, a chat, or a dating cite.
Ohh the joys of dating websites. Been there & done that. Aside from scammers, there are still some rude & odd ones out there. Of course this can come from finding someone to date in any situation. Although meeting people in person, like through a group or at the bars, its harder for them to scam you easily; like getting credit information and other personal information that alot of computer users store on their computer. Its great that you picked up on the scamming. And I know youve talked in class about not liking to meet guys in bars, but thats what im sticking with… no more dating sites for me! haha
There are also some really nice people online if you are careful and know what you are looking for.
Great article!I am glad that someone has figured out the mysteries of online dating. My question is why do people do such things? I cannot quite come to the conclusion of why people want to ruin others lives.Is it because they want money? or because they want your identity? or just because they can.I am personally intrigued over the world of online dating, and i think the studies over it are so interesting,such as this one!
It certainly takes the right type of person to go on to a dating website. I honestly think that its best for people to be aware of the scams that are out there before putting them in a situation where they are so vulnerable to people that are out there just to scam them. So good for you to have to knowledge and resources to check the people before contacting them and giving them revealing information. Good luck with your potential future dates and keep the great stories coming! 🙂
I think its crazy how some people can try to take advantage of others when they are just trying to find someone. I have also heard of scams like these that are on craigslist to in which they act like they are selling something so the buyer will purchase their item then steal their money. It truly is sad.
I find this very interesting. Meeting people online is something I never thought i could ever do. After reading your post, it makes sense. As long as the right precautions are taken, meeting people online can be a great thing. It is interesting at the different techniques you use to communicate effectively with men. The online meeting sources continue to grow because of the success rate they show. I think its great that you chat online and do it in a safe manner.
I always thought of online dating as a place for people to find love that are desperate. I thought about if I ever used an online dating site, that the men would not be what I expected. They could be extremely good looking and have a million great qualities but I would be afraid that the person I loved online would not be a person I could love in real life. I never thought people would stoop to the level of using online dating sites for scamming people. I took cyber crime last year and there were a million sites that people needed to watch out for scammers on. Online dating sites is just an ultimate low for scammers. All these people want is love!!!!!!!!!